Monday, June 13, 2011

4 POUNDS DOWN this week....

This is a bitter sweet loss for me. I did turn to my ugly friend Phentermine but I don't think that's what did it. I've been struggling with the relationship between my ex and I and I have been so depressed over it. I loved him so much and he just keeps breaking my heart. Yesterday I made the decision that I can't do it anymore and I am not going to contact him at all. We had a rough 3 years and he is actually a amazing person and I don't think I will ever stop loving him. I miss him every minute of everyday but in doing so I have forgotten to love myself. And truly, I am the only person that can make me happy. I really want to be happy with someone one day but maybe its not today. I definitely have to get back to the old me and enjoy life on my own. I think losing him will give me the motivation to keep losing weight.....when you lose weight weight, you find confidence and nothing feels better than new found confidence. :o)
I have a friend that really wants to get to know me better and I constantly avoid meeting up with him because I feel bad that he is super ripped and in shape and i'm a little chunkster. I think I feel like he shouldn't be attracted to me but he keeps trying.......I think i'll give him a call in a couple of weeks.....he's really hot so I've been reluctant. Oh well, a better day is ahead and i'm looking forward to enjoying every moment life has to offer. It wont be easy, true love is a hard to put aside, and I say put aside because if its true love, it never fades.....and I truly love him. The days of crying on my bathroom floor are still here and they will be for a while but hopefully soon I will be able to say that there is no more sadness and only good times from this day on! 

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Saturday, May 28, 2011

2.1 Pounds down....

Sorry I haven't posted....every time I get a chance...theres was something to stop me. My daughter, the phone and countless electrical storms. Oh well..back to business. I lost a whole 2.1 pounds. Its just a little loss AGAIN but it better than nothing. And even though I say its better than nothing.....I think I'm lying to myself! I wanted to lose at least 5 pounds. I don't know, I guess I have to step it up a little. Maybe I need to hit that elliptical for an extra 20 minutes.........somethings gotta give soon. I'm getting tempted to do a cycle of phentermine. I really hate that stuff but its a fast way to lose weight and losing weight makes me happy. Ugghhh! I think I'm gonna give myself to June 21st to drop another 15, if not, I'm totally turning to my ugly friend Phen. 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Brazilian Roots.......

I was just sitting around watching re-runs of Family Guy when I got a call from my aunt Sulie. She is my FAVORITE and aunt and my biggest critic when it comes to losing weight. She is part of my moms mothers side of the family which is from Salvador Brazil and she now live in Rio de Janeiro where she teaches at a samba school in the tourist district. Anywho.........she is always asking about my weight and giving me helpful tips, but today was the first day she's ever seen my blog. And she doesn't like it!!! WTF!?! HOLD ON........She's far more shallow than I ever could be and she doesn't like it!! LOL. When I finally asked her why.....she said the girls on my thinspro are too skinny. Okay......she's 53....5'7.....126lbs....and PERFECT! So I didn't understand. She finally explained......and now I question it "SKINNY" that I want to be? What is "SKINNY"? My aunt said something that hit me........"you don't need to be skinny to feel good, you need to look good to feel good because even if you're not skinny, you still can look good".
Now that I think about it.....even when I was 118 pounds......I wasn't skinny. I guess its my Afro-Brazilian root.

I think I'd rather look like this.........
(In shape and sexy)

Than this.......
(Boney and skinny)
Don't get me wrong, I love bones.....just in the right places

NEW THINSPRO...including the beautiful samba dancers of Brazil!!


So......I lost another 1.4 pounds this week. Hopefully this means most of the meds are out of my system and I'm back on track with my weight loss. I only lost 1.4 but I have DEFINITELY noticed my waistline changing. I can see where its starting to slim down and I'm LOVING it! I don't think I'll ever understand the whole "POUNDS vs INCHES" thing but I'll definitely take inches over pounds any day........but I doubt I'll ever see a 175 pound size 2! Lol.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Little loss........

I guess some on the meds are still in my system......AUGHH! I only dropped 2 pounds in this last few weeks. Hey, I guess its better than nothing. But I must admit........I've been going out a lot lately and enjoying myself (its been REALLY nice here in Baltimore). Even though I've only lost 2 pounds.....I can definitely see the difference. I think I'll restart my ECA cycle next week. Summer is almost here (YAY!!) and I cant wait to hit the beach. I bought a new bikini from and I think it gonna be a WHILE before I can wear it! LOL. Thats okay, I have it hanging in my room as THINSPRO! Lol. Maybe I'll hang it in the kitchen. 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


I finally bought a new computer so I can get make to blogging! Lol. I'm also finished with my thyroid med and didn't gain a single pound!! (YAY ME). So now I'm in the process of moving and I'm totally excited. I bought one of those "Pilates Chairs", I hope it doesn't end up being a complete piece of junk when I get it. LOl. Anyway, I gotta go........I'll let you know how much I lost next week. 

Thursday, February 24, 2011

((SIGH)) Back on Meds

My crazy doctor is making me to another 2 week cycle of synthroid! Thats the crap that caused me to gain the weight in the first place........this totally sucks but I guess I'll have to make the best of it! Its ONLY 2 cant do that much damage.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Weight loss reward!!

Don't get me wrong....a total of 9 pounds isnt even breaking the ice for me BBUUUT.....I thought it was a good excuse to treat myself. YAY! I ran across the cutest shoes online and I got them. I refused to buy any new clothes since I started gaining weight from my meds.......I probably wont buy any thing new until I'm at least at the 70% marker. But......theres nothing wrong with a pair of cute shoes??? Right??? ((SMILE)) of
course they're just motivation.

The'ye not Christian Louboutin but they'll work!!
"To be young or a hooker" ~Joan Rivers

Monday, February 21, 2011


So......its Monday and I'm down 3 more pounds........I know I should be happy but I'm kinda feeling disappointed about it. I cheated on my diet and exercise because I was a little sick.........but hey...its better than nothing! So HORRAY for that. more weekly loss goals, I dont want to set myself up for disappointment.......I'm doing pretty good and I want to keep my positive attitude! ((SMILE)).

Saturday, February 19, 2011

No SUNDAY weigh in.......

I'm staying with my grandmother tonight and wont be back till tomorrow........and I know if I weigh myself in the afternoon, I'll be disappointed. I always seem to weigh more in the afternoon.......maybe its the all water I drink......but it never fails.....afternoon weigh-ins suck! Oh well.......I guess I'll have to weigh in Monday morning.

I have a date with the SCALE!

I anxious and nervous to step on the scale tomorrow.......I kinda cheated on my diet a little........I ate cereal! Yuck! and I hate kids cereal........... I bought my daughter some of those Berry Berry Kix and box was calling me every time I walked by!! I don't like sweets and I don't like kiddie cereal but it just smelled so good to me. I sat at the table watch my daughter enjoy spoon after spoon.......It just looked so good......I finally asked my daughter to have a taste and she replies, "are you SUPPOSED to be eating this?" (as she covers her bowl), that little! So shamefully I waited until she went out to play and got some anyway! So...sad. There was no reason I needed to binge on kiddie diet allows me to have plenty of tasty food........but I guess its true, we always want what we cant have. Plus, dieting and PMS DO NOT MIX!!!! Cant wait to see what the scale says.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I think I F*&%#ed up

My daughter caught a simple cold on tuesday........and I catch something far worse on wednesday. Its only lasted a day and a half but it felt like forever!!! I hope this doesnt hinder my weight loss......because its seemed like everything that was on my diet, made me I ate some healthy foods but they were loaded with carbohydrates. Maybe it was a phantom sickness......maybe this was just my mind playing tricks on me so I would have an excuse to taste those lovely carbs........(they were VERY tasty).... oh well, I'm starting to feel better.........I'll be back on track by this afternoon.


Monday, February 14, 2011

I finally found HELL!

I bravely decided to go to Nordstrom yesterday to grab some make up and sweat pants.........Its must have been forever since I've went shopping in a large department store because I forgot about those HUGE, mirror covered pillars they have everywhere!! And its seems like thery're "FunHouse" mirrors because there is noooooo way i look that bad. I body looked like a GIANT egg with a little head on it and my ankles looked soooo tiny that I actually looked as if I was just hovering above my shoes! UUUGGHGHH! And to put the icing on the cake......I had to pick up a pair of size 00 jeans for my daughter.......oh, and have them taken in about an inch. Yes, I have a lovely daughter.........beautiful and funny..........and can eat any and everything.
((sigh))..... There is an event coming up at my favorite lounge.......not sure if I feel up to going...(watch the video below).
Lol....Im totally over it already and I feel way better. ((smile))


Sunday, February 13, 2011

6 Pounds DOWN in 1 week!!

I was sooooo happy to step on the scale this morning (I've been trying to avoid it all week)........and I'm DOWN 6 WHOLE POUNDS!!! Yay me....... I'm really happy but something inside of me is still a little down that I didnt make my 7 pound mark. I guess I have to step it up this week......I set a second high goal of 6 to 7 pounds this week............We'll see what happens next sunday.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


This is great........usually when I wake up in the morning...I'm starving but not a matter of fact..... I wasnt hungy all day yesterday! WHOOOHOO! I'm starting to feel really motivated. I had a fab dinner last night, chicken alfredo with NO PASTA.....just chicken breast with a little alfredo sauce on it ans steamed broccoli. It was soooooo good. I cant wait to see what the scale says sunday morning...... I'm hoping (and praying) for a whapping 7 pounds (maybe thats a bit much)......but thats not stopping me. 

Here's more....


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

My ADDICTION............The Scale!

I know I shouldn't weigh myself daily but.......I cant help it. It's calling me...Daaannn'Yellle???? Lets see how much weight you DIDN'T lose. Its worse than a drug. But I'm not gonna do it.....I'll hold out til sunday morning. seems like I'm more in control of my hunger after only 3 days! Im OH SO HAPPY about that, maybe thing low carb thing is working.

Advice: Be Your Own Best Friend

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Pressure and Motivation

I was just sitting back looking at some pictures thinking about how hard it is to have beautiful friends. I never felt the need to compete with my friends but something in my mind still wants to.........or needs to. Its a sucky feeling.

This is one of my best friends Karen (she's the brunette on the right). She has an amazing body and she is so beautiful. I'm never jealous for some reason because at even at my size.....I still think I'm pretty cute ((smile)), but its hard not to envy.

Okay.....this is my BFF Dezi! Again.......Thin and Beautiful!!

(Yes!!! Thats me on the left)

Here's my BGF (Best GUY Friend) Christophe! (UGHHH!)

Here are some Pics of me!!!!

Me at Work!

.......This was more like....180ish.

First Blog EVER!!!!

Okay........So I just stepped on the scale and it read a crazy 196!!! How is this possible? Lol....I still wear a size 9/10 (like thats something to brag about.....)! Oh well, I knew it was bad but damn.......(sigh). This is gonna be alot harder than I thought. My goal is to lose 76 pounds by my birthday and I'm sooooooo excited about feeling like myself again. I feel like I've been walking around in someone elses big ass body for the last year and a half. I totally miss my old things that I cant fit anymore.........I have brand new jeans with the tags still on them.....and I REFUSE...REFUSE to give them away so I can walk down the street one day and see some tacky beotch wearing them....ughhhh! Sound a little bitter.....I now I see why so many overweight people are haters, it comes with the body. Oh well......I just cant wait to be happy with myself again (how I look anyway). I have so many good things going on right now and getting rid of this weight is just the last peice of the puzzle.Wish me Luck................What I'm doing
    ECA Stack
 *30 to 45 min Elliptical (twice a day)
 *Free weights (M,W,F: Upper & T,TH,S: Lower)
 *800 to 1000 calories a day 
 *2 Liters of water daily
 *Low Carb diet
 * No soda, No juice, No sugar, No flour, No candy (so sad),
you get the picture      
(We'll see what happens in a week)        

February 8, 2011:   196.4 (start weight)